Last weekend I went to London, to attend a workshop of one of my favourite inspirational people – the empathetic, intuitive healer and spiritual teacher Matt Kahn. It inspired me to write down some of my personal insights from this experience and I felt like sharing them with you.
Meaning should be optional. Instead of trying to find meaning in everything that happens, it can be more helpful to just be in the moment and receive it for what it is. Each moment has its own meaning in itself. When you are interpreting, you are creating something in your mind that doesn’t really exist. This causes you to worry more and keeps you from experiencing a situation for what it really is. Not interpreting, allows you to move on from situations more quickly, not get caught up in the past and also love yourself more through not criticizing or blaming yourself for what happened.
Things happen the way they are supposed to happen. When you blame someone else for something that happened, you are giving away your power. They are not responsible for your life. If someone hurt you, that is what it is, that happened because you were supposed to feel a certain emotion so you could face it, interact with it and let it go. It is okay to feel hurt, feel the emotion and experience what it does to you. However, when you blame the other person for how you feel, you are giving away your power to them. The truth is, they have been releasing the negative energy onto you, that they weren’t able to process within themselves.
A person that hurts you, experiences pain inside and because they don’t know how to process these emotions of pain, they release and inflict them onto you.
You can blame that person, but it won’t change the situation, it won’t reverse what happened and it won’t make you feel better. Instead, it will leave you feeling powerless, because you’re giving another person the power to decide how you feel inside. So instead, you can allow yourself to feel the emotions that you are feeling, not push them them away but face them and acknowledge them. Treat those emotions with love and give them the attention that you would hope to receive from someone whose help you’re seeking.
In that context, you can ask yourself “How can I help you?”. In asking yourself that question you are taking back the power that you’ve been giving away to others and you acknowledge the fact that the only person, that is in charge of how you feel, is yourself. You can ask yourself that question, whenever you feel you’re not at ease and you’re feeling any kind of emotion that you don’t feel comfortable with. By asking yourself “How can I help you?” in these particular moments, you are giving the feeling the attention it requires from you, you are being loving towards yourself because you are offering help to yourself the same way you would to a loved one, and you are being helpful in a productive way, that will allow yourself to grow and move on instead of being stuck within an emotion without any greater perspective.
Also, if you face a feeling directly in the moment that it occurs in, it will stay with you for a much shorter amount of time than if you would try to push it away. Pushing it away will only work in a superficial way because the feeling doesn’t ever really leave you and will stay with you subconsciously. In every situation possible, it will then reoccur and demand your attention again until you finally face it. Allowing yourself to feel something is self-empowerment because in facing your emotions you are recognizing that they are valid. It is okay to be a person, it is okay to dislike something, to feel negative emotions towards something. In acknowledging that, you are liberating yourself.
Blaming yourself is just as problematic as blaming others, because in it you are giving the power away to fear-based parts of yourself. In doing that you are giving power to and strengthening those parts that you wish would lose their power. Blame, in that context, again, is the interpretation of a situation. It can be a lot more helpful to acknowledge that you dislike something and leave it at that, instead of trying to interpret it or putting too much weight on it.
The truth is, we feel what we feel because we are supposed to feel it. Every feeling arises intentionally so that we can have a learning experience that allows us to grow. If things had happened any other way throughout our lives, we would have still felt the same emotions because we were supposed to feel them in order to be able to evolve. We are not in control of what happens, but we are in control of how we feel and this matters because when we are able to feel an underlying calmness, throughout all kinds of situations and all kinds of emotions, we will live a joyful life. Knowing that everything is here to help us and there is value to be found in even the most negative emotions and life experiences. It is like the saying “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”. In taking back the power over your feelings, you are able to decide how you are going to experience your life.
An additional aspect, that comes with taking back your power, is recognizing that you don’t have to act a certain way in order for other people to like you. A challenge for most people is to be okay with other people disliking them. But when we realize that, whether someone likes us or dislikes us, doesn’t have much to do with who we are, we are liberated from that need for others to like us, and those can sometimes even be the ones that we don’t really like ourselves. People decide whether they like or dislike something based on the associations they have made with it. So when someone dislikes you it can be because of their experiences that your appearance reminds them of, what they feel that you represent. The way someone else feels about you is a reflection of what is going on inside of them. Also, think about it, how can someone really dislike you if they don’t even know you?
You will be free of what other people think of you when you remind yourself that, all that you are really defined by are your actions. You are not defined by your gender, skin color, nationality, beliefs, job, status…You are only defined by the sum of your actions. That’s all. When you make sure your actions line up with what you feel in your soul is right, that is authenticity. And when you are being your authentic self, you are truly empowered and you are living in your purpose. The only thing that God/the universe truly wants for you is to be your authentic self.